Rating: 💋 💋 💋 💋 😘
Happy Halloweekend!
I started mine off drinking a chocolate martini in Midtown while done up as Debbie Harry, and that was pretty great, but I finished it off with a month better plan. It involved satisfying my long-standing cheeseburger craving - truly a blessed day.
Saturday night, Shannon and I decided it would be fun to go out to dinner, but we did not want anything too far or too complicated. TriBeCa is not a bad commute, and I'd heard this place Walker's had great burgers, so, come dinnertime, we hopped on the train and made our way into lower Manhattan. Anticipation was very high.
When we arrived, I saw most of the tables were full, and the tables had candles on them. Was this place fancier than I thought? I worried we had been mistaken in thinking we did not need a reservation.
Fortunately, this was not the case. British pub-style, Walker's has several surprise rooms in the back, and the host walked us through them on our way to a table by the window of the corner room. Everything was decked out for Halloween, which we loved, and our waitress proudly told us that she was the designer of it all. We absolutely loved her. She had a very dry sense of humor and as soon as we said we had come here on a mission and would probably be ordering the same thing, she knew we were there for the burgers.
To add to the frivolity, Walker's has crayons on the table and paper tablecloths. The art major in me was absolutely overjoyed. I immediately set about sketching something onto the tablecloth, and Shannon decided to write a Halloween haiku.
It made for perfect timing too, because as soon as we were done scribbling, our meals arrived.
First off: the drinks. Beer is not exactly my favorite beverage of choice, so I opted for a cider instead, and Shannon did the same. I am crazy about cider. I had bad cider exactly one time and it was such a betrayal I cannot even tell you. November 2, 2018, Long Island City, at a burrito place - purely horrible. The burrito was also bad, so you can imagine how my heart was weakened by that whole lunch.
One year later to the day, and it turns out my life is a roller coaster that only goes up, because I was in TriBeca drinking a Downeast Cider : sweet without being too sugary, refreshingly cool, and with just the right amount of carbonation. It tasted so good and was so easy to drink. It made every weak or bitter beer I have ever tasted look like a total fool. No wincing here. Even better, it paired absolutely beautifully with the cheeseburger.
Feast your eyes on this bad boy!
Shannon and I started off with the same order, but she added Cheddar while I added Swiss, she flavored hers with mustard and ketchup while I stuck true to the Dijon mustard, and she removed her onions while I kept mine.
Our burgers, cooked medium and juicy pink in the center, were served on soft sesame buns. The bun was sturdy enough to support the burger and withstand the juice, but fresh and flavorful. I am a big proponent of brioche buns for burgers, but this sesame situation stood its ground and passed with flying colors in spite of that. The Swiss melted just the right amount into the burger, so it was oozing over the side, nestling into the grooves of the patty and catching some nearby fries in the process, but not so drippy that it had become liquid. It was a properly thick coating and, topped off with the lettuce, tomato, onion, and Grey Poupon mustard from a freshly unsealed jar (we were thrilled about this), it made the most scrumptious dining experience. The half dill pickle pinned on top with a toothpick sealed the deal. It is okay that I had to wait so long for a burger, because when I finally got it, it was crafted by an angel.
And then the fries, oh my God! They were crispy on the outside and bursting with juicy flavor on the inside, perfectly seasoned, and skinny. Absolute boss fries. Shannon asked me what I thought of the meal, and the first thing out of my mouth was, "You know, when John Mulaney talks about how ordering fries is like ordering crack for the table?" Yep. That's exactly it. I love John Mulaney. I love these fries. My cup is running over with love. Also, the fries started off our favorite quote of the night. As I explained why these fries rank so highly with me - and I have very discerning tasted when it comes to potatoes dunked in a fryer - I told Shannon that the key is that the fries at Walker avoid the pitfall of the disappointing version we had at Coney Island. Coney Island's fries were so thick and poorly cooked that while the outside looked okay, one bite in and your mouth was just full of nearly raw potato. Gross! Shannon and I call this "too potatoey," but on Saturday night I tripped over my words and called them "potaty-oh" instead. Shannon found this so amusing she cracked up for several minutes, and kept singing "potaty-oh daddy-o" for the rest of the night.
Well. As long as it made her happy. Whoops.
We cleared our plates. The waitress's jaw actually dropped when she took in my empty plate. She said she didn't know how I had done it. The entire burger was gone. I understand eating fries is not highly recommended, and probably you should not eat an entire serving, but I have zero regrets. I ate every single one. Delicious!
Then, when our plates were cleared, the waitress checked out our sketches. She greatly appreciated Shannon's poem, and my drawing made her laugh.
It was by far the best night of Halloweekend - great food, great company, and then a return home to watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show, glass of yummy coquito in hand. That is the peak of existence, my dudes.
Also, Shannon said I should explain my rating system a little more clearly, and she is right so here you go:
💋 = full star
😘 = half star
Rankings made out of a total of five kisses, but five kisses are reserved for very special occasions, so generally:
💋 = poor
💋 💋 = okay, but unimpressive
💋 💋 💋= average, maybe repeatable, maybe not
💋 💋 💋 💋 = Really good!
With half kisses (😘) giving each rating a little boost along the way.
I hope November is off to a great start for you all!
XX,
MK
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