Rating: 💋 💋 💋
Hello hello, I hope you all had a great holiday weekend!
If I am being real with you, I went from a year of quietly working on building my future from the confines of my childhood bedroom to spending the past two months having my entire life shaken up in a blender.
Things have been hectic, to say the least. You might have noticed the blog has gone live earlier than 5:30 on some weeks. It is related to this whirlwind. I am just trying to make sense of my world. That world is not fully built yet, so it is low key kind of an ambitious attempt on my part. Still, I try.
Do you all know SZA? If you don't, you should, and I am going to introduce you right now! SZA is one of my favorite music artists and her debut album, CTRL, has been my constant companion since it was released in 2017. At risk of sounding totally trite, in pursuit of being totally honest, SZA just gets it. Her lyrics are so spot on and CTRL is hitting even harder these days. Specifically, one of my favorites, 'Broken Clocks' has been my anthem. I like to think this is a good sign. She went from running around from job to job trying to make it work to being an adored musical artist. I have decided her music speaking to my life so well right now is a sign that my come up is right around the corner.
In line with all of this, I did not participate in Fourth of July festivities. I was working. Luckily, I had the Thursday evening before Fourth of July free, so Shannon and I had a fun little treat night. Free time is so precious to me these days and I was absolutely thrilled to get to go see Shannon and have a fun Girl's Night. I picked out a cute outfit that I cannot wear to work because they do not let me wear crop tops (shocking, I know), put on pink glittery eye shadow and headed to Brooklyn.
New York City and the surrounding areas have been experiencing a little bit of a heat wave. It is a health issue. New York told people that they should not use high power machines like washers, dryers, and air conditioning to avoid potential blackouts. I get trying to prevent an electrical grid from freaking out and shutting down in an overpopulated city, one hundred percent. I do not get telling people in said sweltering city that they cannot use AC when it is 97 degrees and Times Square is lit up like the Fourth of July sky. You know, I love summer and the heat. I am still a human though. Pushing one hundred degrees is a bit much for me. When the rain arrived on Thursday evening, I welcomed it because I knew it had the potential to break the heat.
What I did not welcome was that it began pouring just as I exited the subway in Brooklyn. And I had a twenty-four minute walk from there. And I did not have a rain jacket, nor an umbrella. So I shlepped through Brooklyn with my denim jacket on my head. It kept my hair dry, but I had brought it along because I knew the air conditioning in the restaurant would make me cold. I decided that staying dry on the walk was more important. Now sopping wet, the jacket would no longer be of use to me in the line of restaurant AC defense.
As I walked, I remembered my attempt at visiting the Vatican in September 2017. I was in Rome for the weekend and my friend Victoria and I had set aside Sunday morning to see the Pope before our afternoon train to Florence. Except, it poured on Sunday, so we wound up swimming to the Vatican from Trastevere. I was confused - how had I gotten transported to Venice?! Still. I was determined to see Pope Francis and Michaelangelo's art. So I trudged through the rain, dress stuck to my legs, cold rainwater seeping into my skin, hair shellacked to my head.
And we did not see the Pope because the crowd was too large and we had a train to catch.
Sigh.
So really this was better than Rome because, while both times I had to freestyle my way through drowned gutters, there was tequila on the other end of this trek.
I often wish I had this blog when I was traveling through Europe in Autumn 2017. I guess it is good I could just focus on the experiences, and I did keep a journal that I have not cracked since, so I could drop back into those pages whenever I like. Still, there was so much content. I saw and did so many things and ate so much exciting food and I wish I could have told you about it.
Which reminds me, I believe I am due back over there. If anyone would like to run away with me to Europe this fall, please reach out.
Now, back to the present!
Shannon knew of this cute little restaurant called Bar Bruno on Henry Street so - after I had dried off a little - we headed back out into the rain.
Bar Bruno is a small corner spot with what I am sure would be lovely outdoor seating, but fortunately they had a few tables inside too. Shannon and I grabbed a seat by the window. Our waiter was super cool, the service was quick and the menu offered some great options.
I had looked at the menu beforehand and I still had no idea what to get. It had been so hot that my stomach did not even know what it was hungry for anymore. The only thing I could be sure of was that the margaritas sounded really good.
When Shannon offered Bar Bruno up as a dinner option, margaritas made the crux of her argument. I love a good marg. While I was walking through the downpour, it cheered me knowing that a nice drink would warm me up soon enough. So, when the dinner options stalled me, I could at least confidently tell the waiter that I would please like a classic lime margarita. Shannon opted for the watermelon variety. Her drink came with a spicy salt mix on the rim of the glass that I enjoyed a taste of, but I was really happy that I went the original route. The margarita tasted sharp, a clear tart flavor carrying through the drink. The bartender at Bar Bruno definitely opts for refreshing and holds the sugar, so it was not too sweet. The tequila was present in a ghostie sort of way. I knew it was there, yet a heavy hand had not dumped it in and cloaked all the other flavors. Mark of a good bartender. So good, in fact, we got a second round.
What to do, what to do...
I am a huge sucker for burritos, but I had eaten burritos with Shannon on quite a few recent occasions so I wanted to do something different. The Amish chicken sounded good, yet was not right. Tacos and quesadillas just weren't hitting it for me. I knew that I would have to go back to try the Mexican Caesar Salad because it sounds so good, yet I also knew there was no way I was getting a salad this time around. Shannon was getting the Bruno Diaz Burger and...well...would she hate me if I followed suit? I wanted something different from my usual. I have not eaten a burger in a while and never cook beef on my own. As simple as it is, a burger really was the most special option on the menu for me. Plus, it came with fries. It was my day off, I was going all out. Shannon ordered her burger with provolone and I went with cheddar.
Everybody - or every other person - needs a friend who gifts them their pickle. Shannon is that friend for me. I will say, these pickles were not quite as sour as I like, but they were still pretty good. I mean, I ate them. The burger at Bar Bruno was a manageable size, not such a monstrosity it sends you into a coma. It had a smokey grill flavor and the cheese dripped down the sides in a really beautiful icicle formation. The cheddar melted so gorgeously it served as its own kind of sauce. I think an aïoli or some other kind of special sauce would really make this burger stand out, but then you have to figure that you are ordering a burger at a Mexican restaurant. They might be putting more attention into their - ahem - Mexican menu items. Just a little food for thought. The white onion almost got to be a bit too much for me; it risked overpowering the other flavors, but it was a nice touch. I would just have maybe less of it. The crunchy lettuce and tomato topped off the burger nicely and the fries were divine. Perfectly salted and crisp, I polished off half my basket and was super happy about it. I realized that this was my Fourth of July. A burger could not have been a more perfect choice.
Look how beautiful! And then there is frizzy me in the center because when I made that face Shannon said I looked so like our mother she had to snap a shot. We had a really great dinner talking about so many things. There are some updates to our family that I will be sharing more details on soon enough, but we are very excited. We bounced from that to the fact that venmo's new fees directly attack creators, who frequently get paid on money apps like venmo. Artists already have so many obstacles to deal with and now the way they get paid for gigs and products is biting back at them. It bothers me. We discussed Fourth of July plans and how restaurants really should not get rid of QR codes. It is so much better for the environment. They should definitely keep some paper menus on hand so as to not exclude people without smart phones for example, but why get rid of QR codes? They do so much good and, if this heat wave is any indication, any way we can cut down waste is really really needed. Off the soap box, we were goofing off and really just having the best time. We talked about the politics of online dating, which is not something I participate in but maybe I should. I don't know. I just like to meet people the old fashioned way - having them plopped into my life randomly and realizing only after I've liked them for a year that I do, in fact, have a crush on them and oh whoops maybe we are not friends. Shannon called one of my exes a "monochrome bean" and I cannot get over it. He's not a toxic ex or anything, I have nothing against him, all good vibes here. He really is not a monochrome bean, whatever that is. It is still a hilarious descriptor. I was cracking up.
Then we went back to Shannon's and she baked chocolate chip cookies, one of our favorite Fourth of July traditions. We watched the Bo Burnham special and I will admit that it did not live up to all the twitter hype in my opinion. Also, unlike many people I saw on twitter, I did not walk away with a crush on Bo Burnham. Some parts were funny though and I think he did an amazing job. The fact that he did all that mostly by himself is impressive as hell. The white woman's instagram song cracked me up. Meanwhile, the chocolate chip cookie I had was glorious and warm and melty rich chocolate on your tongue heaven. Shannon found a red wine that I liked and it brought out the deep flavors of the semisweet chocolate perfectly.
We had to cut the party short at midnight but my gosh, what a good time!
As I walked to the train, I was so pleased with such a perfect night off and such a great way to usher in one of my favorite months. I think this July will be good. I certainly hope so. The past two months have been quite strained and difficult at times. A lot of good is happening and I always come back to gratitude, but I have been overwhelmed and exhausted for most of it. It has helped me to appreciate just how much I have learned and grown in quarantine. Like wow, I am not the same person I was in March 2020 and you know what? I am really happy about that. May and June tested me tremendously, challenging whether or not I could practically apply those quarantine lessons to real life. Would I shrink back into what I had been or would I hold my ground?
It has been really hard, but I have held my ground. For so long I was so used to compromising my happiness because I did not want to upset anyone. Now, as scary as it is, I am speaking up for myself. Without ever wanting to harm anyone in the process, I am prioritizing my own health and happiness. This means that I have not been able to be everything to everyone in the way I once aspired to - never succeeding because you just can't. I have had to disappoint some people and dodge situations that made me uncomfortable or were otherwise not meeting my needs. Every time I do it, I lose my breath a bit. It feels like the end of the world. I have discovered though that it is only terrible until you do it, and then, once the boundaries are back where you need them to be, you are free.
Freedom has always been most important to me. I hate being micromanaged or otherwise controlled (who doesn't?) Still, sometimes I think that I value my freedom even more than my security - but not in a totally reckless way. I mean, look at my career path. Stability did not rank high enough on my list when it came to choosing a profession. The potential of freedom, though, did. I am in the spot I am in life because I am pursuing my dreams and career goals, which are not so very easy. I need to hold myself accountable so I do not get swept up in someone else's life and forget my own. I need to remember who I am and what I want. I need to keep my freedom precious and not give it away for anything. I seek to create a world where I am the boss of my life. Nobody holds greater power over me than myself. I think they say that if you're not scared, you're not challenging yourself enough. Well, I have been really scared. My happiness has also been purer than since before I can remember. Things are finally happening and I am more excited about life than I have been in years. I find that I am very very proud of myself.
I hope you all know that kind of freedom. I hope you got to relax or do something exciting on Sunday. I hope everyone is doing really really well. I hope so many good things are in store for all of us. I feel that they are ❤️
XX,
MK
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