Rating: where to begin?
So I don't know about all of you, but I am no good at relaxing. Yeah, I do yoga workouts and I meditate once a week, but they are yoga/pilates workouts, and it is all scheduled. Everything I do is scheduled. There is nothing quite like drawing a clean straight line through a task in my planner. I really need to get better about this. I mean, yes, productivity is good, but so is relaxing. Championing burnout is not healthy. For so long, with college and my hectic work schedule, it was not really a choice. In order to keep my head above water, I just had to keep going and going. Between balancing my regular job and building the career that I really want, it felt impossible to ever allow myself a break. Quarantine seemed like the perfect time to take a breath.
Except I couldn't. I had all this free time, how could I not use it to my advantage? Even if opportunities are limited in my industry because of the pandemic, I need to find every chance I can to hone my skills and keep pushing to be the best I can be. I cannot pass up the opportunity to devote one hundred percent of myself to my career in any way I can. Plus, I do not know how to sit still. I have not napped since I was a toddler, except for exactly one nap I took in 2016 that I only remember because it was such an unsettling, rare instance. I know I need to relax, but I simply do not know how. Can someone teach me? Are there lessons available? Oh, wait. I'm not supposed to schedule it into my planner? Seems sus.
Then, last Wednesday, they ripped out my wisdom teeth. As much as it grated on me, as much as I wanted to be productive, I couldn't be. The steroids and antibiotics drained me. I couldn't get through a complete thought, even just in my own head, let alone aloud. It pretty much forced me to do nothing.
And by do nothing, I mean I only did light yoga after a couple days, read over lines instead of practicing them aloud, and did research on future projects. Baby steps. I can only do so much of nothing before I lose my mind. Oh, right. And I drafted this. I. Can't. Sit. Still.
All around, I think I got pretty lucky with my surgery experience. The doctors were super nice and funny. I was scared of the anesthesia but here I am, still kicking, so it turned out fine. While I was out, I had a very lucid dream I was riding the most adorable elephants in Thailand and it was amazing. Of course, I cannot actually do that right now for a variety of reasons - with C**** being right up at the top, but a girl can dream. One day! When I woke up, I was pretty with it. My dad and sister, Reilly, were very disappointed in me. I did not say anything stupid. I did not do anything video-worthy. It was almost weird how unaffected I was, but I am not complaining. I was just super exhausted.
My mom, the Florence Nightingale that she is, got me right on track: ice packs on and off, medications on a schedule, and a delicious chocolate milkshake to revive me as soon as the feeling returned to the lower half of my face. She also allowed me to curve the painkillers, because I really do not like taking them. I do not even like taking Advil unless I absolutely must. In this specific case, I must, but even the Advil only gets to help me out sparingly. At the beginning, I was only a little sore, my cheek was a little blue, but no extraordinary pain, so that was not even an issue.
The food was an issue from the onset. First you cannot eat after midnight the night before the surgery (naturally, I woke up at 6am with a ferocious appetite I was not even allowed to soothe with water), and then you just cannot eat because your mouth goes on strike post-op. What gives? To anyone reading this who has not gotten their wisdom teeth out, I recommend taking a snack right before midnight the night before your surgery. I did not do that because I was not hungry, but I promise you, in the morning you will be glad you did. Consider it a nice farewell to solid food.
Homemade Chocolate Milkshake à la Rebecca
- a bunch of vanilla ice cream - homemade or your favorite brand
- milk of your choice, as little or as much as you want for desired thickness (we did Oat milk for me and a medium pour, so it was good and thick)
- Chocolate syrup, to taste
- Purée in blender until smooth
* Feel free to top with whipped cream, cookie crumbles, candy bar bits, cereal, sprinkles, fruit, etc. I could not have that fun this time around, but on a normal day I am totally in
When I asked her for the recipe I realized my mom more of eyeballs it and leaves the measuring utensils for another time, but the recipe is so simple that you cannot really go wrong. I had to wait until it melted a bit before I could drink it, and I could not stomach the full shake, but I look forward to the day surgery does not cramp my style. Milkshakes are one of my favorite foods of all time, and knowing that a milkshake was the light at the end of my surgery was the perfect reward.
Figuring out food after that was tricky. I would love Chobani to sponsor me, because I am really doing the most for their brand right now. Their yogurt cups and protein-packed yogurt shakes have kept me alive...so perhaps actually they are doing the most for me. Smoothies and scrambled eggs also slowly got thrown into the mix. Fortunately, I am a huge smoothie fan, and I love eggs. My mom got me chocolate pudding. I do not think I have eaten pudding since grade school, and oh my gosh. What nostalgia. What joy. My first solid food was a ravioli dinner on Day 2, and I basically had to wait for it to get cold (sad) and cut it into baby pieces to eat it. It was a process. It was also very thrilling to eat something that wasn't liquid-based. The next night, we decided to do something special for Friday and ordered takeout from ITA 101. There was one item on the menu I felt confident about: the Spaghetti alla Chitarra con Cacio e Pepe. I taught myself to make this dish at the beginning of quarantine (which felt like the middle at the time) and I was so proud of how it turned out! Getting the professional version was just as exciting, and was a great point of reference for the next time I cook it myself.
MK's Favorite Smoothie Recipe:
- 1 cup of ice
- 1 cup of preferred milk (Oat Milk for yours truly)
- 1 ripe, medium-sized banana
- 2 tbsp almond butter*
- a sprinkle of cinnamon in the blender, plus extra to dust on top of poured smoothie
- Purée in blender until desired consistency and enjoy!
I like my smoothies pretty smooth and creamy - no ice chunks please! The pictured smoothies are a little too thin and bubbly for my preference, but I'm working with a new ice machine and blender so we are still trying to understand how to suit each other's needs.
This is just my standard base. Sometimes I add a handful of blueberries and/or strawberries as well. Adding honey, vanilla protein powder, chia seeds, or any other fun ingredient you have on hand can also spice things up!
*Can replace this with peanut butter or Nutella, or sometimes, when I am feeling super special, I do one tablespoon of almond or peanut butter, and one tablespoon Nutella. It is a chocolate peanut butter dream. Delectable!
By the time the weekend rolled around, morale had hit a low point, I am sad to say. I very much dislike being a patient. Oh my gosh, though, my jaw hurt so much! I woke up with it just aching on Saturday morning. Whereas before it had only been my right side giving me a bit of trouble, now it was both, and the right side was just the worse of the two. I did not understand how the pain had heightened further on in the recovery process. Right around now is when the Advil became my saving grace and key to functioning, rather than just a sporadic acquaintance. My jaw was screaming, which was even more annoying because it was still so locked at the hinges that I could not scream back at it for being so rude! Meanwhile, all the teeth were rioting because their newfound friends had been torn away from them. I get that that is kind of a tragic experience, but they really needed to get over it. Nothing could put those teeth back in my mouth, and everybody just needed to calm down. Also, I knew I needed the medicine, but I was really so over feeling lethargic. I was tired of being tired. I have things to do! At this point, I had zoom rehearsals and writing sessions to attend, and my brain was like, "Oh? My presence was required as well?? Huh!" Like, 'What do you mean I need to focus???" Apparently, that was an impossible ask. SMH
Things were not looking much cuter on the eating side of things. Yes, I graduated to watery oatmeal on Saturday morning. I knew better than to grumble that I prefer my oatmeal thicker, because it just was not possible, but ugh. Liquids were the only thing I could comfortably get down, but there are only so many liquid meals. Solids were still so limited, and navigating utensils into the sliver of mouth my jaw would allow to open was quite tricky. And frustrating. I totally lost interest in food. Mealtimes were a daunting task. In a sad turn of events, Saturday night my mom planned to make a Flintstone-style rack of pork. She had kept it frozen all summer, and everybody was so excited. The only problem: that meant I would have to graduate to meat and root vegetables real fast, and the soggy oatmeal had been a chore in the morning. It was a big hurdle. I have never been so scared of a pig before.
And now I sound like a crybaby, which I really hate.
My mom made the Pork Tenderloin with Green Peppercorns from Ina Garten's Barefoot in Paris cookbook, the Autumn Vegetable side from the Prosciutto-Wrapped Bass recipe in Ina Garten's Back to Basics cookbook, and we had some Italian bread with it. I think my mom has all of Ina's cookbooks and we really like her recipes - just be sure to cut the salt! While my mom cooked, my dad made a fire outside and we enjoyed an exceptionally nice late November evening. Then dinner was served and, I mean, I did okay. Everyone teased me for being on meds and for eating my pork filament by filament, but it was the only way. The pork was delicious, super tender and flavorful, but I was sadly unable to finish it. It just hurt too much to chew after a while. I was able to eat all the vegetables because that nice slow roast cooked them soft enough, and they really are a perfect fall side dish. The crust of the bread was too tough to chew through, but I did enjoy a bite of the pillowy center. Fortunately, I was able to manage the most important part of the meal - that sweet chocolate cupcake melted right in my mouth, pure joy!
Sunday night's Pimento Macaroni and Cheese was easier.
The last time I ate mac and cheese, it was June 2019 and I was cleaning out the pantry before moving out of my house in the Bronx. I made Annie's macaroni and cheese, threw in some heated frozen peas for the veg and toasted shreds of sandwich bread as "breadcrumbs", and called it dinner. At the time, I thought I was doing fairly well. Balling on a budget. This pimento macaroni and cheese though? It is in a completely different world, with just a hint of heat, creamy cheddar, crispy -real!- breadcrumbs, and a decadent sprinkle of pancetta. Comfort food for the win!
Fortunately, post-weekend, things improved. It just had to get a bit grimmer before it could get better, I suppose. My stitches are healing, I'm getting back into my work, and I am able to do workouts too as long as I don't do any downward dogs or headstands. Recently, Roxane Gay said that we should not feel guilty about our productivity, because do we really have all the free time in the world? The World in Question is in chaos. Hello?! We all deserve and need a break! My intention for this week is to go easier on myself about that then. At the least, this week has been a great lesson on the importance of rest. If anyone has any tips on taking a chill pill, please send them my way.
If you need me, I will be at the kitchen sink, gargling saltwater.
Stay safe, stay healthy, stay well ❤️
XX,
MK
P.S. Here is your weekly dose of culture, higgggghhhhly recommend!
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